High tide...

Ike Fenton, or 'Owd Ike' as he was universally known, was a local character and wit who liked to present himself as a simple yokel. One day, when the normally placid Wyre was having one of its occasional tantrums, the water was surging within inches of Ike's door. A smart young couple on a day out from town spotted Ike carrying a roll of wire netting out to repair his hen run. 'Wouldn't give much for your carpets when that water gets in,' cried the lad, aiming to impress his lady.

Ike knew from experience just how far the water was going to rise. 'Aye,' he grinned foolishly. 'I'm just going to nail this netting across th'doorway ready.'

The lad winked delightedly at his girl. 'And can you explain to me how that will keep the water out?'

Ike's grin took on an extra dimension of idiocy. 'Well, th'watter slows down a bit when it gets to th' netting, and by the time it's made its mind up which holes to run through, th' tide's changed.'

Exit townies – a little wiser – maybe.